Ouch

So a few weeks ago, within my healing process I discovered that I needed to ask hubby to close our relationship up for a little while during my healing process. I had already temporarily stopped seeing the rock star, and unfortunately had never quite made it to actually meeting my new young playmate so it wasn't such a big thing for me. I felt the need to cocoon myself for awhile. After a little bit I realized I couldn't balance my emotions when hubby was seeing his girlfriend, nor could I handle a new flirtation he had started - the unknown when your psyche is unbalanced is hard to keep in check without your sub-conscious running rampant with crazy (crazier) thoughts. So I asked him to do the same thing and allow me to work through some of my issues and anxieties.

I was a little put off by what followed. Hubby's girlfriend was already having issues with the limited amount of time they were spending together and now was being asked to put things on hold and not see him for a few weeks. Rather than being understanding, I know she tried, it seems as though she tried to hurt hubby instead. She suddenly started seeing someone new, who was not attached and she could be very public about.  And through our live life in on a social network world, that is exactly what she did. It seems as though she did this to let hubby know that he was missing out. Now hubby is struggling with either letting her go and see where this new relationship goes, or offering her everything she wants to appease her. I feel so bad that he is so conflicted and caught in the middle of this.

I also feel that I have been manipulated into relinquishing my request for a safe and sound environment to continue to heal in and allow them to begin seeing each other again, so that he can do some (in his words) damage control. I know I am stronger and this will probably be a good challenge. But I can't help but feel once again that I am at the mercy of someone's happiness, other than my own mental health and well being. At least I have voiced this - it will not fester into rage because it was pushed down and not validated.

My bathroom wall is not healed yet either and cannot sustain another beating!!